There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
