see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
