you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
