Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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