We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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