Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
