i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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