I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
