Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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