pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
