seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
