Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
