My room smells like vodka and shame
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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