My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
