She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I love you.
Bad choice
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
