fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
