Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
