He kissed a someone with a penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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