Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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