Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
