Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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