I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This show inspires me to have sex in space
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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