The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
