Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
