is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
