you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize