worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
