Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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