There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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