seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
