so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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