Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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