dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
