New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
