so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
