I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
