glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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