Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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