Kiss
Puke
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
