Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
