We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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