i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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