I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
