just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
