just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
