it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
