As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
