I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
