Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
