I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize