It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
