he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
