So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
