ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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