I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is the high leading the old right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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