shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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