I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
