I can text with my tongue
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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