All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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