The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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