Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
