i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
