I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize