I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
