I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
