This girl is more easily done than said...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
