I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
