your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
