do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
