i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
