btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
